One of the most elusive aspirations we can have in the Christian life is the pursuit of joy (and with that, peace) in spite of our circumstances. We know this kind of joy is offered to us – God’s word tells us so, and His word is trustworthy. Why, then, does it seem so hard to attain joy and the ‘peace that surpasses all understanding’ that we have available to us?

Having experienced my share of difficult – and sometimes devastating – circumstances, I can’t count the number of times I’ve wondered where the joy has gone. Sometimes life throws you a curveball that knocks you down flat, and you wonder how you’re supposed to claw your way to standing upright again, let alone get your head back in the game. But we do not have to be ashamed of feeling incapable of drumming up joy when we’re walking through trials that are anything but joyous. We are not called to ‘fake it til we make it’. In fact I’ve found one of the most tragic behaviors among Christians is when they use scripture to suggest that all you need to get over your pain is more faith, as if grief isn’t a natural part of the healing process, as if joy is something we’re supposed to pull out from within ourselves. 

The truth is there is only one source of joy, and true contentment, and that is God alone. What it means to ‘count it all joy’ is that we remain tethered to that source, so that when we can’t feel joy, we know we still have it to come. Though we do not rejoice when horrible circumstances enter our lives, we look forward to the results that the suffering produces, to the day that we see all that was once unseen.

In other words, we keep trusting. That is all we are called to do – continue to trust God’s goodness, remembering that peace and joy come through faith in Him, not in us pretending that we’re joyful when we’re actually broken.

As I walked through a season of loss last year, I had a hard time remembering my source of joy. Begging God to change the situation, I grew closer to Him than I had been in a while, but I was frustrated and angry that all my prayers were (seemingly) going unanswered. (Sound familiar? I’m sure you’ve been there too.) However, I finally had to accept that, despite the fact that what I desired was righteous, it wasn’t going to happen –  the situation wasn’t going to change.

Through all of that, I realized that joy doesn’t necessarily come from getting what I want – even if what I want is good, even if it’s holy. In fact, God sometimes protects us from what we want because He sees the whole picture. I was trusting that He was leading me to something better, but I was holding on to hope that what I wanted to happen was the ‘something better’. When I finally let go of that and accepted that His plan was not the same as mine, the joy and peace began to creep back into my soul.

He is where I derive my joy and peace, not from attempting to look on the bright side of sorrow. Suffering and heartache are not triumphant occasions – and we don’t have to pretend that they are. What makes us joyful is the knowledge that one day suffering will come to an end – and our joy will not be complete until it has.

Until then, I revel in the moments of delight, those tastes of heaven, that keep me hopeful when I’m walking a hard road, yet I will walk that road with honesty. I will accept that the journey from sorrow to joy takes time, while I also hold fast to the chain that binds me to Him and trust where He leads.